Free Series
by DuplicateMe
Summary: This is my Free Series using the verses from the song Free by Maria Mena. It is and Eric/Ryan Pairing meaning that it is slash.
1. Into Something I Can Touch

**Title: Into Something I Could Touch**

**Author: Me, Ezra T**

**Fandom: CSI Miami**

**Pairing: Eric/Ryan (unrequited)**

**Rating: PG13**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the charcters but the plot and personalities are mine.**

**Summary: Some times you just need to let it all loose.**

**Warnings: Very light hint of slash**

**Authors Note: Written in 2007.**

---

_Ive been walking around all day, thinking_

_I think i have a problem, I think I think too much_

_Ive been taught to hold back my tears and avoid them_

_But youve made pain into something I could touch_

_Free - Maria Mena_

_--- _

Into Something I could Touch

You don't know what your doing here. How you wound up in front of this grave. You had only meant to go for a short walk, clear your head. Today you had finally wrapped up an extra hard case and you were happy to finally be done with it, but your happiness didn't last for long did it? From the moment you had stepped into the lab you knew that it was going to be one of those days. Eric was snappier than usual, nearly taking your eye out in the locker room, Calleigh was quieter, her smile even less dim then what even you were used too, Horatio was even more distant (if that was possible) and poor Alexx had just a little more dose of sadness in her brown eyes. It wasn't until you were walking out of the lab at the end of your shift that you saw the calendar.

Today was the day Tim had died.

You guess that it really hit you then just how much of an outcast you really were. Everyone was mourning a dead man and yet you didn't even know that today had been his death day. You couldn't help but wonder at how they all could do it. Come to work on a day like this. You admired them all the more for it.

You look down at the tombstone right in front of you and sigh. '_Why did I come here?_' you think to yourself, '_At a time like this?_'. Footsteps bring you out of your daze, and you tense your back and wince at the voice that greets you.

"What the hell are you doing here Wolfe?"

Eric Delko. Your number one antagonist. The one who always found fault in your work, always had a snide comment on the ready, never missed a chance to remind you that you were just no Speed...No Tim.

Eric Delko... Tim's best friend... The man you loved.

"I couldn't sleep."

You said it as if it answered everything. And maybe it did because before you knew it Eric was right there next to you. Shoulders loose, face relaxed. You could see all his emotions, there on his face and, maybe, just maybe, you thought, that he would open up to you and- no. Just as quickly as he was relaxed he was tense, voice tight.

"Yeah, but what are you doing here? You didn't know him Wolfe, you have no right-" and that was it.

That was the last straw. He was right. What where you doing there? You could never be Tim, you never really met him, at least not really. You didn't belong and here was Delko once again throwing it in your face. You knew. You understood. And you accepted it long ago. But to have him remind you here. Here of all places. In front of Tim's grave. In front of the man you never knew but greatly admired. This was too much. All of it. And you let it show. You exploded, let loose all that pent up anger and pain and just let it out.

"Yeah, and so what! Sure I never knew him! I never met him! I still knew he was great though. Come on Delko you never let me forget it! But I know it okay! I don't belong. I'm not wanted. I'll never be Tim. But Jesus Eric I never wanted to be Tim, I never tried to be him but your so delusional, so caught up in your own grief you don't even see that there's other people around you! Hurting just as much as you are! Or wanting to protect you! Or love you! Just-"

Here you cut off, calm your breath and get yourself back under control. You continue, voice stronger and you look him in the eye before continuing.

"Just grow up Eric, grow up."

And it's not until your walking away that you realize that your crying. And it's fitting some how that it would be Eric to break the dam. To make you explode. To tear down your carefully constructed walls.

After all, he was always the one who made pain into something you could touch.

-End-


	2. Almost Free

Title: Almost Free

Author: Me, Ezra T

Fandom: C.S.I. Miami

Pairing: Eric/Ryan (unrequited)

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters but the plot and personalities are mine.

Summary: Accepting is allowing yourself to let go, to finally begin the long trek to freedom.

Warnings: Very light hint of slash

Authors Note: Written in 2008 (today in fact).

This is the long awaited sequel to _Into Something I Could Touch_. I've decided to write these by using the verses to the song. So I'm happy to say that there may be two or so more installments to this, but I am sad to say that it may not end with a happily ever after fairytale ending for our boys.

_Ive been walking around all day, laughing_

_Think Id be better off without you here_

_And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over_

_So Ill cry and people will stop and stare_

_Now thats ok, let them stop and stare..._

_'Cus I am fragile_

_I am hopeless_

_I'm not perfect_

_But I am free..._

**_Free_** - **Maria Mena**

**_Almost Free_**

When Ryan woke this morning it was with a feeling of lightness, as if parts and pieces of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. And when he looked into the mirror he was met with swollen eyes and an understanding smile. He was almost there. Today was a new day and he knew that the confrontation that he had had with Eric just hours earlier had some how freed him of those restraints that he had placed upon himself. Somehow telling Eric what he had had helped him to let Eric go a little, he was slowly but surly getting his heart back and putting himself back together again.

When he got to work he could tell people had noticed that something was different with him. He walked with a purpose, his head was held high and his back was straight. There was no more hunching over, no more trying to hide from the people he should very well be getting along with. He smiled, he talked, he laughed. Ryan Wolfe was on the verge of becoming a new man, no one knew why but they accepted it. This was a Ryan that they could grow to like. Ryan didn't go out of his way to avoid Eric, the old Ryan, the Ryan from the night before probably would have but not this Ryan. He let fate run it's course and when he bumped into Eric he knew his eyes spoke a message. They said he was better off with out him, that _he_ would _be_ better off with out him, and when he saw that Eric had got the message Ryan just smiled a little smile and kept on walking. He ignored the ache in his chest and the slight stinging in his eyes.

Ryan knew from the very beginning that if he was ever to get over Eric Delko then it would take drastic actions. After all, Eric wasn't someone that people could just get over. Eric had a way of coming off as sweet and kind while being sexy and mouth watering. Ryan knew from the beginning that Eric Delko would be a hard man to get over and even after feeling like a new man it still hurt to see Him and he felt foolish for thinking he was strong enough to endure it. After all he had only just told Eric how he had felt.

He couldn't wait to clock out. To leave Eric and work behind. He decided to walk home instead of drive and just decided to take a cab to work in the morning. He thought as he walked. He thought of all the missed chances. Of all the things that both his and Eric's pride has lost them. He imagined all the kisses and the small touches. He pretended to see the secret looks and hear those whispered words. He stopped to cry because it all was so over whelming. he thought of what he was losing and what he was giving up and he didn't care that he was being stared at. He had to do this for himself. He needed to let go of what ever was still tying him to Eric, to a man who had never shared his feelings.

When Ryan finally got him it was late. He didn't even bother to shed his clothes before he fell into the bed. He was so exhausted, both mentally and emotionally. He curled into himself, brang his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He put his head to his knees and cried for what felt like the hundredth time. He was hopeless. He would forever be hopeless when it came to his feelings. His heart would forever win over his mind, and he accepted that now. He wasn't perfect. His OCD, funny as it seemed, ensured that and his non existent social skills, which seemed to have gotten him in this predicament in the first place, only seemed to drive the nail in deeper. He accepted that as well. And by accepting himself for what he was, for accepting all of this for what _it_ was he somehow felt just a little bit freer. And as salty as his tears tasted he knew they couldn't spill for forever and that was comforting because that meant he wouldn't cry for Eric forever. He was almost free.

**-End-**


End file.
